January 18, 2005 - Character Education Breakfast at Baucom Elementary
“No because of the way ... and ... treat me. Even ... is getting bossy. She’s always mean to me even when I wore my new outfit. Only 2 girls in the class like me. Delaney & Dana oh and Emily. Only 7 people in the whole entire world – ok 8. Rachel Ward, Rachel Zima, Chris Godshall, Katelynn, Karen, Dana, Delany and Emily.” And yet, here is a picture of her and Maddie - one of the people you did not mention, but was obviously one more person who liked you
Valentine's Day
Monday, March 21st 2005 – 9th Birthday. Grammy took this picture of us spending time together at Eva Perry Library reading by the butterfly bushes.
April 7, 2005 At the Meredith lake
April 17, 2005 Grandpa’s Birthday – 6:10 am
sleeping in my bedroom
A visit, and photo op, at Meredith College
Picnic under the Wisteria April 30, 2005
May 14, 2005 - Build-a-Bear Workshop
Brittany ready to come home with us
Sunday, May 8, 2005 – Nothing before this moment matters anymore. Listen to the birds!
I slept with the window open last night for the first time in months – maybe even years. It is a bright and beautiful Mother’s Day – and even though you said it is all about me today, it is also about my Mom and hers. Grammy TT's Birthday and wedding anniversary as well as Mother’s Day. I would like to call Karen and even Sue but being on the phone on the weekends is just not a good idea during this time period of our lives.
May 11, 2005 “It’s about fulfilling your true nature.” ~ God as qtd. by "Joan of Arcadia"
I finished two tough classes and started a job this semester at Meredith College, while caring for you and our home. It’s been a difficult time for both of us, but I know am doing what I need to do to take care of myself first – perhaps for the first time in my life. Sometimes it feels strange to be calm in the midst of such a tumultuous time. On one particularly calm day, I asked my counselor at Meredith, how I could possibly feel this way. She said it's called it: "healthy detachment".
Kristen and Kyle's Wedding in Richmond, VA
And then took the train to CT for a visit.
calling her father from the train.
June 1, 2005
Stonington Point
Stonington Point
June 1, 2005 Water Street Café - "Knitting Lemonade"
Relaxing at Grammy and Grandpa's
June 8, 2005 Four Generations of "Bailey" Women
June 24, 2005 Tae KwonDo with Master Lee
Journal entry: As I look back over my right
shoulder, I see my daughter, my love, my life asleep in the back of our car. It is summer, and like so many
other summers, she has fallen asleep on our way home from camp. She is so beautiful. She is wearing
light up platform flip-flops she had to have and was so thrilled with,
until the girls at school she most wanted to impress said something negative
about them. There is one strand of hair across her right eye that runs down the
side of her face. She is wearing some of her favorite clothes:
khaki shorts with little flowers on them that Karen gave her, and a little blue
t-shirt with different colored butterflies straight across the fruit. She is
loosely holding her glow-in-the dark silly putty, her nearly empty lunch box
and an open bag of goldfish next to her, plus a big rubber snake red black
& yellow from last week’s “venomous animals” science class, and her Neopets
CD case filled with Kids Bop, Princess Diaries, Elvis & Kim Possible – all
of her favorites. What a cutie! What long legs. What an amazing young lady she
is. She and Karen had a sleepover at Karen’s last night and she only got 7
hours of sleep instead of her usual 10,
so she is whooped. We took a walk up to see if Ralph’s Italian Ice was open
before camp, but it wasn’t. We were suppose to be going there now but I decided
to pull into the garage and let her sleep like I used to do when she was 2, 3,
4, 5, 6, 7, 8 – wow! She is 9 now. When I look at her face I cannot believe it, but then I look at those long legs, painted toes…
She
is my guide at times, especially those times when I need to but don’t
listen to my own intuition – I trust hers. I’d love to take a picture of her
right now, but I know she would hate it if I did, so I won’t. I’ll just allow
this precious moment its rightful place on my path.
July Summer camps - from YMCA to Camp Invention
Thank you
God, for these smiles, strength, spirit, clarity, and ability to cut
through the crap and say what needs to be said no matter what or how much it
hurts. You are an inspiration. I only hope I can do the same when the time comes
and have the wisdom to recognize the times when I see it.
July 31, 2005 Virginia Aquarium
August 25, 2005 – 1st
day of 4th grade with Mrs. Campbell
How do I capture the essence of that day? Your enthusiasm and growth is so clear. When I went up at 6:34 am you were getting
dressed. You asked to set the alarm for 6:30 – and said: "And Mom, don’t forget to make my lunch instead of doing your homework.” :)
September 3, 2005
Stonington Point, Stonington CT
The morning of Grammy and Grandpa Law's
50th Wedding Anniversary.
I LOVE this picture of us that
Grammy took before she knew there would be a celebration in her honor and before you knew what was happening in NC.
I wanted you to have as many happy times as possible, always.
Apparently, I did ok. This picture of you and Katelynn having parfaits was taken Sept 19, 2005
Oct 4, 2005 – The wonderful stories kept right on happening...Gram kept saying F.R.O.G. and typing it at the end of her e-mails. Fully Rely On God – There were times when I was so exhausted, I didn't even feel like answering her e-mails, but we pushed through it together.
These pictures were taken at Meredith, SMB 253, GeoScience class presentations at then end of the semester. I had Monday afternoon and evening this semester, and it was so hard to focus. When I re-read my journals, purging them now to make space in my heart for more JOY in our lives, I can see why, but instead of re-writing all of that here, I am including some of Oriah Mountain Dreamer's poem "The Invitation" because she says it so beautifully:
These are my vows now and together we can handle anything, and handle it well.
For example:
"... I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
"...I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children...
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back...
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments."
By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming, from the book The Invitation
These are my vows now and together we can handle anything, and handle it well.
For example:
Oct 4, 2005 As we sat on the screened in porch going through
her Tuesday folder, we both kept hearing the sound of Kendall’s cry, but it was
distressed. We both knew something was wrong, but could not find her
anywhere. We searched our yard and then beyond the back fence in the
over grown grass and weeds of neighbors we don’t know at all. You mentioned early in the search that perhaps Kendall was in a tree and I took a
cursory look but didn’t see her so we continued looking everywhere else. And as
we looked, you became more and more afraid and upset and was crying and then
praying but then crying again and it was difficult to hear Kendall that I
shared with you what I learned just over two years ago and the reason why
I bought myself my very special necklace. If you are going to worry, don’t
bother to pray, and if you pray, don’t’ bother worrying – that’s called FAITH –
no worries – and besides I can’t hear Kendall if you are crying J and I gave you my special
“no worries” necklace with the heart side close to her chest and you "got it"
Finally we looked up and there was Kendall very high up in a tree and stuck in a fork of it with no branches any where near it. We called the cat clinic for suggestions and joked with them about no fire department is only called in cartoons so I got my longest ladder and tried very hard to reach Kendall and I sent you off to ask a neighbor for a can of tuna or chicken and she came back with a can of wet cat food which Kendall does love. I tried to entice her with it but finally had to let Kendall figure it out for herself. She somehow got up there and would somehow get down and we had to trust. The whole thing was a good lesson for both of us – although stressful, and we got no homework done. It was fun listening to you tell other people about it for the next few days. J
Finally we looked up and there was Kendall very high up in a tree and stuck in a fork of it with no branches any where near it. We called the cat clinic for suggestions and joked with them about no fire department is only called in cartoons so I got my longest ladder and tried very hard to reach Kendall and I sent you off to ask a neighbor for a can of tuna or chicken and she came back with a can of wet cat food which Kendall does love. I tried to entice her with it but finally had to let Kendall figure it out for herself. She somehow got up there and would somehow get down and we had to trust. The whole thing was a good lesson for both of us – although stressful, and we got no homework done. It was fun listening to you tell other people about it for the next few days. J
10/06/2005
Halloween 2005
Nine years ago when we closed on our house with our 6 month old – I has no idea the course our lives would take, no one ever does. Now I’m thinking we’ll have to sell this house sooner than ’07.
Even I am amazed at how much I have accomplished since Sept 1st and still I must press on – exercise or do yoga/meditation SOMEthing everyday that rids my body of stress. I also am amazed that it is now November again. A year has flown by – A challenge. A blessing… a difficult, stressful, amazingly- transformative year.
Sunday, Nov 6, 2005 The gift of time with you is so precious. Use it well and appreciate it now. Let the light shine. Sacrifice perfection for
wholeness. “So ring the bells that still can ring forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything,
that’s how the light comes in.” ~ Leonard Cohen
Nov 13, 2005 Listening to Oriah
Mountain Dreamer’s cassette “Your Heart’s Prayer,” I heard the wonderful poem Without Brushing My Hair by Hafiz Translated by Daniel Ladinsky. The timing was of course, perfect.
11/14/05 12:05 Starbucks Peace Street, Bob Dylan’s song "Dream" playing in the background.
"With half-damp eyes I stared to the room. / Where my friends and I spent many an afternoon...
"With half-damp eyes I stared to the room. / Where my friends and I spent many an afternoon...
And then “Cha cha cha changes…” by David Bowie. Traveling Wilburys – Handle With Care “You’re the best thing
that I’ve ever found / but baby you’re adorable / I'm so tired of being lonely.
I still have some love to give. / Won't you show me that you really care.
Everybody's got someone to lean on. Put
your body next to mine and dream on.”
Nov 15th I just want to finish school and get on
my feet.
Nov 17, 2005 The ending of audio book, Your Heart’s Prayer by Oriah
Mountain Dreamer is
“If we follow the thread of our deepest longing, we always go HOME” music by Steven McNemara
“If we follow the thread of our deepest longing, we always go HOME” music by Steven McNemara
November 2005 e-mail from Dr. Walton: "I am impressed that you have remained standing this semester. Your honesty and commitment to learning and
to the other things that are important in your life have made you a key new
friend for me. So, don't fret over not doing great work...Add that disappointment to the others, and
swear to do better another time. g.w."
12/6/05 Journal entry: I am learning to be "brave by walking
through the fear and doing what must be done to feed"my child, as Oriah said. I feed her love,
encouragement and confidence each and every day of her life, our life. Rebirth; to be born into a new environment of knowledge with
an open mind and no preconceptions. Ultimately, your daily life is my responsibility:
school activities, going there for lunch, library books, money for the book fair week, even though she was spending the night with her father, she called me at school and at work that last day so she could have a
few dollars to buy a couple of books. Of course!!
Dec 21st 2005 Winter Solstice – 1st
Day of Winter
I went to carpool but you had taken the bus, so I raced home and made it just time to run into each other’s arms with Joy! What a
relief!! The time we spent together between bus and Taekwondo was
fun. Homework, snack and the present she remembered had been under the tree a
few days ago – so I let her open SpongeBob Game of Life and we played it for a
little while before going to Science Safari to deliver Christmas goodies and
then Taekwondo with Karen and then to exchange gifts with Karen and Lisa. Of
course the girls gave each other Neopets. When Karen and Lisa went home,
you and I ate dinner at the kitchen table with just one candle sitting on
the geode you'd given me for Christmas, the tree lights and Amy Grant singing "Breath of Heaven". Hot cocoa with peppermint stick for
dessert, and more SpongeBob Game of Life. Life is Good.
December 26, 2005 A
quiet peace filled day after Christmas, listening to my old
(1964) Mary Poppins album. You in one big chair and me in the other. I
just hung a few bits of food out for the animals of winter. We were going to do
it on the Solstice, but ran out of time – we had so many things to do that day
– last Wednesday – and this Wednesday we’ll be packing for our trip north. Yesterday
on the way home from church, you said "if we don’t get snow
soon, we were moving to CT on Thursday!"
We did visit, and you did get to play in the snow, and sleep by the fire, and got to see my parents and smile... and close out 2005 like this:
You "dubbed" this trip "Seagull in the Snow"
Sunset at Watch Hill, RI Friday December 30, 2005
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